Use the future to imitate the past!

Were you worried that having your iPhone half-stuck in the shallow pocket of your skinny jeans isn't quiiiiite hipster enough? Well, there's this now:

the HIPSTAMATIC, an iPhone app that takes shitty iPhone pictures and, harnessing the power of technology, turns them into intentionally shitty iphone pictures!

Below are some self-aggrandizing, narcissistic hipster photos I took since downloading this app (which even though I'm giving it a hard time, is the funnest app I've EVER had.)

Isn't this exciting?! Now what I need is a program that will convert things I've already photographed into Holga photos!

Hot Mama

VERY IMPORTANT!! This exists: the DRAGULATOR, a website that will turn any hot piece into a hot piece in drag.

Also, did you know that James St. James (yes, that James St. James) blogs? Big thanks to Tina for sending me to this particular link in the fabric of my personal space-time continuum. James St. James seems to just blog about whatever, which I LOVE (arewethesameperson!?) and he pays special attention to hot celebrities (ask yourself, have you ever seen us in the same room?!) and fashion (ImeanREALLY).

Tina and I are thinking of starting a music blog, but am I putting my finger in too many pies (questionable imagery alert!)? I already have this TOTALLY AWESOME BLOG with Daily Beaster Virginia Smith, plus 40 hours a week of gainful employ. I think we will do it anyway though, so that I can redecorate yet another blogspot template. Can I get some unicorns up in here!?!

Unrelated story: my roomie doesn't understand how I can like Lisa Frank if I hate Ed Hardy. Are they working together? Yes, and does it break my heart? Also yes. But it's LISA FRANK! Everything is neon and there are unicorns involved. Why on EARTH would he think I wasn't going to collect her stuff in my sticker book (right next to my pog collection)??

That last paragraph is a little soul-sucking. Honestly what was the point of life before the internet?

Is it raining where you are?

If so, please listen to the following. This song speaks brilliantly to the desire to:

*wallow over a past relationship

*in the rain

*then perhaps turn that raw emotion into cathartic dancing?

I'm still kicking myself for not immediately exploring Fear of Tigers when he came out last fall. His entire album (which is FREE AND LEGAL TO DOWNLOAD) would have stolen the top spot on my 2009 list, for sure.

Oh Johnny.

Well spring is upon us (at least here in Los Angeles) and as you know it is the SEASON D'AMOUR. I myself have a new love, and his name is Johnny Weir.

Am I late to the game on this one? I remember the last Winter Olympics in 2006, when he DAZZLED with his Swan routine, but I had no idea that we were also kindred spirits. Here is some proof that he is my doppelGAYnger (ugh sorry for that):

*RUSSOPHILE

*LOVES SERGEI LAZAREV (then again WHO DOESN'T)

*LOVES PUSHKIN

*HAS ADORABLE GAY BESTIE

*LOVES GLITTER AND NEON

I could go on but I won't, except to point your attention to a response he gave to someone who asked if he had any regrets about his life:

"I'll save looking for regrets to when I'm 100 years old rolling around in my rhinestone-studded wheelchair."

... OMG. Как сказать SOULMATES??

I (re?)discovered Johnny because Sundance OnDemand is showcasing the documentary Johnny Weir: Pop Star on Ice, which chronicles his miraculous rise to prominence. FUN FACT: he taught himself how to do jumps in his basement on a pair of roller skates when he was 12. Are you inspired? I AM. (advance apologies to my roommate for any household items broken as a result of me trying to copy his success on my roller skates). He also has an adorable pocketGay™ named Paris (yes he has a myspace!) which is always a surefire way to my heart. For a sport that is so ingrained in rules and tradition, Johnny is refreshingly up front about being who he is, telling the NY Times “if I was out to please 10-year-old girls and their 45-year-old mothers in Boise, Idaho, I could play the game and be nice and make my voice deeper. But I don’t see the point. I’m not alive for 10-year-old girls and their 45-year-old mothers in Boise, Idaho.” I mean he is basically the gay baby of Happy Gilmore and Missy Peregrym's character in Stick It.

Even if you missed the movie there is no excuse for you not immediately ordering Sundance so you can watch the next 7 episodes of his 8-part series Be Good Johnny Weir which is basically more of the same delightful antics we saw (okay, I saw) in the film. Plus the OLYMPICS are on us in a couple weeks (AAAH!) so the part of you that makes up for a lifetime of laziness by giving a shit about showcases of athletic ability once every four years should start planning now who you want to care a LOT about at the office water cooler on February 12th.

[Ed. Note: I know he has gotten some crap about wearing fur and I totally agree that wearing fur is NOT COOL, but I appreciate his honesty in answering those charges, and he makes a good point that "every skater is wearing skates made out of cow. Maybe I'm wearing a cute little fox while everyone else is wearing cow, but we're all still wearing animals."]

Oh and in case you are STILL NOT CONVINCED that Johnny is on my Top Ten Most-Wanted list for platonic life partners, (but how could you not be?!) please observe:

I mean... what more can I say?

Dreams really do come true

Oversight

On Saturday I met and had a LOVELY talk with an adorable gay named Brandon who works in fashion (DREAM!) and we talked about everything from divorced parent issues to Louboutins (HE GETS IT.) to my handsome roommate. He lives in New York but I felt a gay-girl connection that I am hopeful will trancscend our continental divide (like the bond between myself and the wonkster). Anyway the reason I bring it up is that he pledged his support should I embark on the LIFE GOAL TRAJECTORY that up to this point has been but a sweet dream (or a beautiful nightmare?) which is to become Grand Marshal of the Gay Pride Parade like my idol Chelsea Handler. Longer term goal is to be just like her, aka interviewing celebrities and surrounding myself with gay men. IS THIS TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?!

Clearly living in West Hollywood is a big push in that direction, as evidenced by having also met frequent on-air Chelsea correspondent and "staff homosexual" GUY BRANUM at Fiesta Cantina this weekend! Here is a picture of me and Guy Branum. No color editing happened here, this is just the color that pictures come out in when they involve me and gay men (okay, not really but can you IMAGINE)

I told Guy that I wanted to be like Chelsea and he said I wanted to be "Number One Hag." I guess that's about right! I wish there was a nicer way to say it (I'd been using the phrase "Queen of the Gay Underworld" but in West Hollywood it's just the gay world) but c'est la vie!

Also important DANCE MUSIC NOTE: In putting together my 2009 music list I totally overlooked Fear of Tigers, who have been on basically everybody else's "Best of 09" list. It's not like they need my support but their entire album is incredible, so mentioning them is a public service to the Dreamwave community. I can't post everything but here is one of my favorites, "I Can Make the Pain Disappear" which features a vocal sample of the impossibly sexy Robin Thicke over one of the most satisfying pop candy dreamwave beats I've heard in a really long time. ENJOY:

Consideration

Is this funny?



I got my hair done recently at an Aveda training salon by a lovely young lady and I TOTALLY FORGOT TO TIP HER. I felt so bad I called the next day and had them put a tip on the account. The girl on the phone sounded really surprised. I guess nobody does that? I'm just trying to ADD A BIT OF CLASS TO THE UNIVERSE okay y'all?